Ohmygoodness I am so nervous about this trip! A part of me is really excited to go, but another part wishes I had just opted to stay here for the summer since I'm going away to school in the fall. I am going to miss my family when I'm off in college, and here I am running away for five weeks? What was I thinking?

On top of that I have just recently been able to hang out with my little sister and go to local pubs to hear live music. I have a BLAST doing this, and we found a couple of really good spot, and now I can't take advantage of them!

Also I am completely distracted from my preparations for this trip because my boyfriend of a year and... three months... broke up with me. I adored him! Honestly, I know you always believe that "this one" is "the one", but I really did love him dearly. He wasn't my first boyfriend, but I think he was the first person I ever really loved. So I am crushed. Absolutely crushed. It's been a few weeks, and I keep hearing I have to just let it go and move on. If you had told me a few weeks ago how hard it would be to "get over him" I wouldn't have believed you. Now, now I'm just trying not to think about him as much each day. Not to think how much he would love some view, or song, or joke that I encounter during my day. Trying to remember not to call him when some minor event happens, or family concern arises. I wish I could just stay mad at him, but I was never able to do that. I feel so broken.

So, of course, I am wondering if my trip somehow broke us up. If maybe, somehow, things would have happened differently if we were spending another summer here, together. Last summer was a dream! Every day I spent with him was some little adventure here in town. I will never look at Chicago the same way again! I never enjoyed it as much before I met him. Honestly, did I really have to go on this trip? Wouldn't it have been better to spend another summer in Chicago with Jon?

So, yeah, I am having second thoughts, doubts, about this trip. It doesn't help that I am scared to death of flying!!! I've done it a few times now, but it never gets easier for me. So... here I am, two days before I leave and a completely bundle of live nerves!!!! I hope this improves somehow.